What other people think: The quiet poison we swallow every day

You’re not just censoring what you say. You’re curating how you dress, how you speak, how you sign your emails, and how much space you take up in a room. You’re trying to be smart, but not intimidating. Kind, but not passive. Creative, but not weird. Confident, but not too much.

Because you learned, somewhere along the way, that being fully yourself is risky. It makes you visible. And visibility, for many of us, feels like danger. So we contort. We preempt judgment. We perform safety. And most of the time, we don’t even know we’re doing it.

They don’t say it out loud, of course. But it hangs over everything: What will they think? What will they say? It’s the invisible leash around your throat, the weight in your chest when you hesitate to speak, or the pause before you post. It's the edited version of you that goes to work, or even to dinner with friends.

The weight of expectations

What will they think? It’s such a small question. It’s also a prison.

When you’re constantly worried about what other people think of your choices, work, and personality, you start to disappear from your own life. You over-apologize. You procrastinate. You edit yourself down to something more palatable. You avoid risks that could actually move you forward.

You become the version of yourself most likely to be accepted. Then you wonder why you feel stuck, disconnected, ashamed, exhausted, and numb.

The hidden struggles

This is especially brutal for creatives and high-functioning professionals. These individuals seem fine on the outside but are quietly unraveling underneath. They feel shame for still struggling after everything they’ve achieved. They don’t talk about it. Not really. Instead, their nights are full of rumination, and their days are filled with smiles. Deep down, they suspect that if they were just a little less themselves, they might finally get what they want.

This is not about being liked. This is about being safe. Because being judged, truly judged, doesn’t just feel uncomfortable; it feels annihilating. We often assume the worst judgment instead of constructive feedback or an overall positive perception. This makes it painful.

The cost of caring of what other people think

What we never say out loud: We are not trying to impress. We are trying to survive.

Caring about what others think steals years from our lives. It waters you down. It mutates your instincts. It turns your life into a performance you never auditioned for. You stop creating because someone might call it cringe. You stop asking because someone might say no. You stop dressing how you want, speaking how you feel, and dreaming what you dream because of hypothetical reactions from people who aren’t even watching. It’s like being trapped in an invisible court, constantly defending your right to exist as you are.

And even if you do everything "right"? They will still judge you or ignore you or smile politely and feel nothing.

The fruitless game

You never win this game.

Why is it so strong? Because we are wired to belong. For most of human history, being excluded meant death. But now? That instinct misfires constantly. You’re not being chased by wolves. You’re being chased by algorithms, opinions, memories of old teachers and ex-lovers, and that one comment from your mother in 1994.

Your brain builds armor: perfectionism, people-pleasing, overachievement. These create disappearing acts—all to avoid one terrible moment: feeling like you don’t matter.

But you do.

The battle within

Why does it hurt so much?

Most people don’t struggle with clarity. They struggle with permission. They know what they want to say. They know how they want to show up. Yet, they can’t stomach the thought of being misunderstood, disliked, or dismissed.

It’s not just fear of judgment. It’s the fear of rejection. Fear of exile. Fear of being too much, or not enough, and being left alone with that verdict.

And here is the dilemma: Even when you do dare to show up as yourself, it doesn’t guarantee connection. Sometimes it brings the very rejection you were trying to avoid. And that really hurts. But that’s the muscle we need to build: learning to withstand that sting without shrinking back down. To let the discomfort hit and still stay yourself. That’s the only way the right people ever get to actually find you.

So when you worry about what others think, your system is trying to keep you safe. However, the safety it creates is suffocating. It kills your instincts. It quiets your voice. It disconnects you from your own sense of truth. When you try to live a good life while cutting off your own oxygen, you burn out.

Embracing your authenticity

The real shift is not in silencing the fear. Instead, it’s in recognizing that it’s just fear. It doesn't define you, and it is not a fact. Most likely, there is an old thought resurfacing, showcasing its familiar face. You project what happened in the past onto the future. What happened once must be true forever...

Your job is not to convince anyone. Your job is to become undeniable to yourself. This doesn’t mean being loud, public, or radical. It means knowing what matters to you and standing firmly in that.

A Moment to Reflect

Let your eyes remain soft. Gently turn your head to the left. Look at a spot just above your eye line—as if something lives there that knows who you truly are. Hold that gaze. Now say in your head: I am not for everyone. I was never supposed to be. (Then breathe.)

Instead of asking: "What will they think of me?" Try: "What will *I* think of myself if I say nothing?"

This tiny reversal can change everything. It moves the authority back inside you, where it belongs. It asks you to consider the cost of abandoning yourself. It helps you remember that your opinion of you... matters most.

Because the truth is: people are going to think what they want. Half of them are too wrapped up in their own insecurities to notice yours.

So, what if your job isn’t to prevent judgment, but to withstand it, without crumbling? That’s real confidence. It’s quieter than you’d expect.

Taking the next step

And when that doubt creeps in—the voice that says you’re not good enough—that’s the same spiral I explore with you. When you’re ready: This is the kind of shift I help clients make. It’s not about becoming confident; it’s about no longer needing approval as oxygen. Read More Here.

If you’re ready to break the loop and embark on this journey, I work 1:1 with creatives, professionals, and thinkers who are done pretending they don’t care—and are ready to reclaim the space they were born to fill.

If this resonates with you and you’re ready to stop living on eggshells, Book An Insight Call. Your voice is still in there. Let’s help you hear it again.