We’ve all been there- scrambling for confidence before a big presentation or conversation, hoping we don’t fall flat on our faces. But have you ever paused and wondered whether confidence is really what you need, or if it’s a lack of self-esteem that’s holding you back?
Confidence is situational. You can feel on top of the world in one area (like pitching a project) but crumble in another (social events, anyone?). It can come and go based on the situation.
So confidence is more about a sense of being capable of something, having certain skills and abilities, vs self-esteem, which is foundational, the base you build your house of confidence on; it’s how you see and value yourself, regardless of the situation. It’s the core of who you are, the foundation that makes you feel like you belong, your inner belief that you are valuable, no matter what.
You can think of it like this: Confidence is like a cat strutting through the room, making an entrance. Self-esteem? It’s the quiet knowledge that you deserve to be in the room in the first place.
Confidence can be built quickly, but maintaining it is all about action and repetition. Let’s look at two ways to get you feeling stronger:
Instant Confidence Boost: The 3-Second Posture Reset
Confidence doesn’t always have to come from some deep internal belief- it can be as simple as straightening up. Before walking into any situation that makes you nervous, take 3 seconds to fix your posture. Stand tall, pull your shoulders back, and breathe in deeply. This tells your brain, “I’m in control,” and you’ll feel the shift immediately. It’s a physiological hack with an instant result.
Long-Term Confidence Builder: Consistency in Small Wins
Your brain learns with repetition and emotional impact. When you have a bad experience, where you feel humiliated and embarrassed you will do everything to avoid similar experiences in the future. The high emotional impact of this experience drives you into avoidance.
Now unlearning this can be easier than you might think:
Confidence thrives on proof. Pick one tiny action each day that stretches you, even if it’s minor- like speaking up a little more in meetings or trying a new way to present your ideas. It’s not about doing something huge; it’s about doing something small consistently.
Over time, these micro-wins add up, and soon, you’ll start expecting to succeed instead of wondering if you can. Confidence becomes second nature when you prove to yourself you’re capable- over and over again.
Confidence vs Self-Esteem: The Big One
Now, let’s shift gears. Self-esteem is the cornerstone of your mental and emotional well-being. When your self-esteem is solid, confidence comes more naturally because you know your worth, regardless of how well you do in any given situation.
Building Self-Esteem: Where It Really Counts
Self-esteem isn’t about external achievements or validation- it’s about how you view yourself on the inside. And here’s the thing: no one is born with bad self-esteem; it’s learned. That means it can be unlearned, too, it takes intention.
It’s not a quick fix, but it’s where the real magic happens.
Here’s a tool I know works, and you don’t even have to affirm yourself every day or journal away:
The Reverse Timeline
Self-esteem often takes a hit because of things we absorbed in childhood- messages from parents, teachers, or society that made us feel less-than. A powerful way to start healing this is by mentally revisiting those younger versions of yourself.
Imagine your current self going back in time, meeting your 5-year-old, 12-year-old, or 17-year-old self. What would you say to them? How would you reassure them? What do they need to hear?
By giving your younger self what they lacked- whether it’s encouragement, safety, or love- you start filling in those gaps in self-esteem. You rewrite the script of how you see yourself, from the inside out.
You today, from the point of view of a far more experienced adult, can educate yourself with compassion towards a kid, that didn't know any better or different.
Rewrite the Script
That negative voice in your head? It’s lying. Next time it knocks on the door, ask yourself: Who told me this? Did you hear it from an overly critical teacher or an ex? It could have even been something that has been said once in passing by someone, who doesn't even matter in your life. Once you identify the source, rewrite the script in your own words. Make it something you actually believe about yourself. And I am sure you can find something valuable to say.
Let Go of ‘Shoulds’
Self-esteem takes a hit every time you live by someone else’s expectations. Society loves to tell you what you “should” be doing- how you should act, how you should look, what you should want.
The truth is, that confidence and self-esteem come when you stop living by those rules. Start asking yourself what you actually want, not what you think others expect of you. Every time you say no to a ‘should,’ you strengthen your self-esteem.
This will become your gold, I promise. Imagine taking all the "shoulds" of others onto your own shoulders. What kind of worldview and perspective on yourself could you possibly have? You will be confused about who you are and what you want if you aren't already. And this is a guarantee for lacking a healthy sense of self, your foundation is standing on shaky ground, feeding all kinds of different opinions. And this is what they are, opinions, not facts.
Do yourself a favor and make it easier for yourself. Find out who you are, what you value, and what you really want. And don't be afraid, nothing is written in stone. You have the right and space to change all of it at any time.
Confidence vs Self-Esteem? They are Teammates
Here’s the bottom line: confidence is the short game, and self-esteem is the long one. Confidence will get you through the presentation, the meeting, or the challenge at hand.
But self-esteem? That’s what will carry you through life.
And if you’re looking to truly rebuild that foundation- especially if you know deep down there are some old childhood wounds or beliefs still holding you back—then that’s where you can dive deeper:
My Renaissance of the Soul program is designed to do exactly that: heal those inner blocks and reconnect with the real you—so that your self-esteem is no longer tied to external success. You’ll work with your inner child and inner adult, untangling those old emotions and creating a foundation you can stand on for good.
In the free workshop I have created for the program that you can watch HERE, you learn...
... how you can let go of beliefs that block you from creating a life that excites you.
... how you can heal old emotional wounds and become more loving towards yourself.
... how you can feel stronger now, as an adult, and correct old patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving.
... how to let go of the urge to always have to be perfect and in control.
... how to find out, what your needs are and how you can fulfill them.
... how you can stop running against the same old walls and start moving forward.
Because at the end of the day, the ultimate luxury is a healed, empowered, and creative mind.
Check out the program by clicking the button below.
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