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The fear of being alone and how to be confident in solitude


Let’s talk about a fear that creeps in when the noise dies down, the texts stop buzzing, and you’re left… just with yourself: the fear of being alone.


It’s one of those fears we don’t always admit to but feel all too often. It’s that underlying what if that makes us stay in unhealthy relationships, say yes to things we don’t actually want, or constantly scroll through social media, filling the gaps with something just so we don’t have to sit with that uncomfortable silence.

But here’s a hard truth: we’re all alone anyway- at least, in the deepest sense. And that’s not as bad as it sounds.


Why We’re All Alone (And Why That’s Not a Bad Thing)


We’re born into this world alone, and at the end of the day, the only constant in your life is you. No one is living your experiences, feeling your emotions, or seeing the world exactly as you do. We walk alongside people, but we don’t share the same shoes. Sounds a bit dark? Maybe. But, hear me out.


Most of us spend so much energy trying to avoid this fact- through relationships, distractions, or work- that we never actually face it. We rely on others to fill gaps that we fear we can’t fill ourselves. We lean on external validation as if that’s the thing that will make us feel complete.


But what if instead of fearing the alone-ness, we embraced it?



the fear of being alone and lonely, woman alone


The Fear of Being Alone


The fear of being alone often boils down to this: we’re afraid of facing our own reflection. Without the noise, without the distractions, we’re confronted with our thoughts, our flaws, our real selves. And if you’re not comfortable with who you are, being alone feels like the last place you want to be.


But running from that feeling keeps you stuck. The fear of being alone leads to anxious attachments, people-pleasing, staying in jobs or relationships that drain you, and worst of all, it stops you from really getting to know yourself.


So, let’s flip the story. What if the fear of being alone is actually the fear of confronting your own power?


Overcoming the Fear to Find Real Confidence


Here’s the truth: the person you’re running from- yourself- is the only person who will always be there for you. If you can sit with yourself in those quiet moments, in the dark, and truly be at peace, that’s where real confidence comes from.


Because when you don’t fear being alone:

  • You stop needing others to validate you.

  • You stop bending your life to fit other people’s expectations.

  • You stop settling for less because you’re afraid to be on your own.


When you can sit with yourself and feel enough in your own company, you realize that you don’t need anyone to complete you. Sure, we all want connection, love, and relationships (and that’s healthy), but there’s a big difference between needing and wanting. Needing comes from fear. Wanting comes from confidence.


Steps to Finding Confidence and Peace in Solitude


So, how do you get there? Here are some steps to help you embrace being alone and turn it into your greatest strength:


  1. Spend time alone without distractions—no phone, no TV, just you. Yes, it’ll feel uncomfortable at first. You’ll want to reach for something to fill the space. But the more you sit with your thoughts, the more you’ll see they aren’t as scary as you’ve built them up to be.


  2. Start to notice the stories you tell yourself about being alone. Do you tell yourself that being alone means you’re unloved or unworthy? That’s not true. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lacking—it means you’re independent. Rewrite that narrative.


  3. Use your time alone to explore what genuinely brings you joy. Not what should bring you joy according to others, but what actually excites you. Whether it’s creating art, exploring nature, or something totally unique, find something that makes you feel alive without needing anyone else to validate it.


  4. Trust yourself to handle life. When you know you can rely on you, that’s where peace comes from. No matter what happens, you’ve got your own back, and that kind of trust creates unshakable confidence.


  5. Real growth is often invisible. You might not notice the changes right away, but it’s in the tiny, subtle moments—like feeling calm during a rough patch or bouncing back quicker than you used to. Pay attention to those. They’re signs you’re growing stronger, even when it’s not obvious.


Embrace Solitude for True Confidence


The fear of being alone isn’t something that just magically disappears. But the more you face it, the more you realize that being alone isn’t the problem- it’s how you see it. It’s not about being surrounded by people but about being comfortable in your own skin, even when no one else is around.


True confidence comes from knowing you are enough- by yourself. When you can stand strong in that, you’re not afraid of being alone, and you’re not desperate to fill that void with people or things that aren’t right for you. That’s when real peace and real growth happen.


And remember, you’re never really alone. You’ve always got you.


If you want to know more and dive a bit deeper into this topic, I have a 2-part video on my YouTube channel for you to watch and get some more practical insights.


Here is part 1. For part two you can click HERE.

(And while you are at it, don't leave me all alone over there, join me and subscribe).





Please share this post with someone you care about and who you know will benefit to become more comfortable in their own skin. The more the merrier.

Christine Philipp IEMT, Hypnotherapy, Coaching and Art


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