Pain or Pleasure?

Naturally we always move either away from pain or towards pleasure. That is how we are wired. People who come to see me only see the pain they are in and understandibly want to move away from. Yet most of the times, they do not know, where they would like to move towards.

What will be there, once the pain is gone? What would you want to be there? What doors can open, when the door of pain is closed?

Closing doors are not negative experiences. They might feel like it in that very moment and maybe over a period of time, depending on what the perceived loss is at first.

Losing a loved one, losing a job, just to name a few, can feel like entering the abyss and it can last for quite a while. And that is absolutely ok. Grief is an important experience.

But once the air becomes a little bit more clear, things that have seemed impossible to recognise, can arise.

A door closing can be a relief, too. A new found freedom.

A door closing on anxiety, overwhelm, depression is a relief from high pressure and tension.

And what is next?

A lot of people rather stay in pain, because they cannot imagine anything else for them. Letting go of what feels like the devil can feel worse than that very devil they know.

You might think you want to get rid of something, yet part of you holds on to it. And that is for a reason. You might need that pain in order to fulfill a certain need.

You might holding on to it, because you receive attention and care or some sort of benefit.

What does the pain give you and can you have it through other ways?

The world is not black or white.

We are very complex in our own worlds.

What seems logic to some is a hurdle for others.

It is an art to become aware of possibilities and some reflections can be of help:

■ What led to a door closing? What helped you open another door?

■ Was it easy or hard for you to realise that a different door was opening?

■ Did that experience bring anything positive?

■ Which of your strengths and qualities were of specific support?

■ How do you feel about that closed door now?

■ What did you learn from that door closing?

■ What could you do next time to recognise new opportunities and possibilities sooner?

To your strengths, qualities, open eyes and minds!