Are you already getting in the Jingle-Bells-Mood? It is approaching in fast steps and there is nothing you can do about it.
For some it is the most beautiful time of the year, loving, cosy, colorful, candles, sweet scents, glitz and gifts, family.
For a lot of people it is a dread, stressful, lonely, empty, dark, full of painful memories. A time for reflection for some, a time to worry and overthink even more for others.
What is it for you?
In times where we miss the light and the sun it is easy to fall into a winterblues.
To handle it as good as possible is to take good care of yourself. It is a no brainer but mostly forgotten: You're the one who is always around, you might as well enjoy your company.
Often we find ourselves eaten by fears, insecurities and worries learned at some point in the past following us into a future we have no idea of. That is how we perceive it. People and life "did something to us". We are hunting safety, happiness and peace. We need reassurance from the outside and often forget the inside.
Nothing in life is static. Everything is in constant movement, change, uncertainty. Experiences is what we create, people come and go. They leave us, we leave them, they die, other people enter our life, leave, come back, like waves. Some have a bigger impact and others a smaller one and so do we. It is an exchange. And all and everything leaves something with us, we carry through life.
What we are forgetting is that everything we need is inherit in us. We tend to forget to be aware of what is really there and focus too much on the outside.
But take a moment
and listen to the outside,
now listen to the inside.
Can you find a border between them?
A line you could draw?
Is there a space between?
Can you locate where that would be, if there would be a border or space?
If you can locate a border or a space, is it real or your imagination?
When you find yourself worrying too much, get yourself some paper and a beautiful pen, pour yourself some, coffee, tea, a glass of wine and write it all down in 15 Minutes. Burn the paper afterwards and let that be for today, do something else.
Make quality dates with yourself, eat well, surround yourself with color and music, you love. What I personally love and just discover for myself is taking a bath. As for there is not much to do in the tub anyway, you can just float and dream, become still and aware of all the sensations around you. Enjoy the temperature on your skin, the sensation when you make the slightest move and the water caresses you, the silence, when you don't move, the sound of the water, when you do.
Accept what is now, that is the difficult part, but freeing, when you do. Now all is good, even if it wasn't yesterday, and even if you fear tomorrow. Now is your experience and now and you is what you have.
Even if you feel lonely and empty, even if you feel lost and isolated, this now is ok. It cannot do you harm, the feeling in and of itself is not the oracle of truth. It is a feeling in combination with some thoughts. It is there now, it will pass and will be replaced with other feelings and thoughts at another time.
To accept this will make you grow, will give you more peace. There is nothing to fight right now, no positive thinking to impose, no distractions necessary.
The more you allow it to be there, when it is there, the less reason anxiety has to scream at you. I am not saying to give in and give up, this would sound very passive and you are not a victim of anxiety.
I am saying, accept, allow, listen.
Per se anxiety is natural, you need it to survive and it is human. And the more you listen to what it wants to tell you, the more power you will have. Stop fighting a war with an "enemy" that has good intentions for you. Negociate instead.
"I was screaming into the canyon at the moment of my death;
the echo I created outlasted my last breath. My voice it made an avalanche and buried a man I never knew,
and when he died his widowed bride
met your daddy and they made you.
I have only one thing to do and that's to be the wave that I am and then sink back into the ocean." *
*It is the Title song from the series "The Affair" by Fiona Apple. You can find this on Netflix. What sounds like a cheap title is just the package, but the series has a lot to offer. It made me think about life again and who we actually are.
Having said all that, I am wishing you a Merry and Peaceful Christimas-Time. Really Be! with yourself, enjoy your company, create the smells, the glitz, light the candles, get the gifts for yourself, your best friend, your closest family.
And in case you have difficulties to go through that time alone,
you are not alone,
reach out, I'll be with you.