Often we tend to ignore or fight pain and discomfort, uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. Tension, stress, anxiety and the underlying feeling of „being on edge“ is a daily companion. Not accepting any boundaries, we indulge in self destruction in one way or another. We take a pill, we drink a bottle of wine, we binge eat, we punish ourselves, others and the world for being „wrong“. Creativity seems limitless, when it comes to punishment and suffering.
And what do we have out of it?
You can't sleep well, you get bitter and angry, inner stress keeps building up, your body doesn't feel at ease, shoulders and neck hurt, you feel constantly tired and exhausted. Sadness, fear and hopelessness creep in and you turn around in a circle, not knowing, how to get out of that.
So you might have experienced that your resistance and fight creates even more pain in mind and body. Apparently that doesn't work well in your favor.
You want to and you can break out of that, you just don't know how.
Knowing that resistance doesn't solve any pain, you might try the opposite.
You don't have to start with massive changes of your lifestyle. This can only add to pressure and you might feel miserable and a failure, when you can't live up to new habits you „have to“ create in order to feel better. Starting small makes you feel more comfortable. You are able to achieve and accomplish little changes. This will reinforce your motivation to do more over time, it will just come naturally, as you create more compassion and respect for yourself with time.
Don't try to take away the emotional pain you feel. Acknowledge its existence and start listening to it.
Build a connection with your sensations as they start somewhere in your body.
Where do they start?
Where do you feel the pain the most?
Sit with it for a moment.
Do not resist.
What happens now?
What do you think?
Do not push the thoughts away.
Do not judge them.
How do you breathe?
Focus in for a moment.
Influence your breathing and take some deep and calming breaths.
In your inner mind imagine to breathe in calm
and to breathe out tension.
Nothing „must“ happen.
Relax into that moment with all your muscles.
continuing to breathe comfortably.
Become aware of all your sensations.
What do you hear around you?
Do you feel the temperature on your skin?
A warmth in your hands and feet, or somewhere else?
Notice you were not thinking troublesome thoughts in the meantime.
The moment you realize that, they might return.
Allow them to be there, if they want to. They are your guest.
No need to resist.
Continue to notice your sensations, when you stop resisting, when you breathe and release.
There might be a tear or two running over your face, maybe into your mouth,
taste the salt.
Give yourself love and compassion, being vulnerable and weak, needing your support.
Softly guide your hands to where you feel them soothing you.
Feel the warm connection.
Talk to yourself.
This hurts, this moment is painful. I acknowledge and accept it.
I understand your suffering. I am there for you.
You are not alone.
I care for you.
I give myself time.
I give myself space.
I allow myself to be myself.
I allow myself to be patient with myself.
I allow myself to feel.
I forgive myself.
If it feels weird for you to talk to yourself in a loving manner, imagine you talk to a friend, that needs your help, understanding and support. What would you tell them? Would you give them your warmth and hugs, a smile? Do just that, comfort your imaginary friend, comfort yourself.
Keep in mind: nothing must, everything can.
Practice this exercise how and when you need it. Sometimes it is just enough to take 2 minutes and sit calmly. Sometimes it already helps to become aware of your body. Keep it comfortable for yourself, so that you can enjoy it and are motivated to repeat it in the future.