My heart says:
„Go for it. It's exciting. Why not trying something new?“
My gut says:
„Sure, do it. It might be fun. Yeah, adventure!“
My head says:
"Wait......what if I fail?"
"What if I will do it all wrong?"
"What if I find out, I made the wrong decision?"
"What if I cannot go back anymore?"
"What if I totally embarrass myself?"
"What if I lose x, y, z?"
We all know the nagging fear of failure. That's what we have learned early on. You might remember those days at school, when you had to perform in front of the class, write an essay or pass an exam.What is it that comes to mind first:
All those times when you have been rewarded and celebrated for all the things you did well?
Or do you remember the red marker of the teacher, the loud laugh of the classmates or the disappointed faces and waving index finger of the parents, when you did something wrong?
In those early days most people learn about all the things that they do wrong. Things they should not think, they should not say, they should not do. We grow up with other peoples morals, ethics, models of the world and we learn to take it on board in order to do it all right, to be part of the group, to feel we belong and we are worth something.
A lot of people struggle their whole life with all those limitations of what is right and what is wrong to the point, where decision making becomes a pain, a mountain they cannot seem to be able climb,
to the point where they don't know anymore, what is right for them or what feels wrong.
And then again there comes another decision to make. You have the choice. You can either:
continue on that path, not knowing, what you want, what you feel or where you want to be. Where you integrate yourself fully into the will and wishes of other people to make it seemingly easier for yourself. The other one certainly knows, what's right, he/she always makes the right desicions and you just go along with that, ignoring the growing sense of bitterness, fear, sadness, anger inside of you. You lose your voice, energy, lust for life. The fear inside is growing and blocks you from a life, that could feel much more authentic to you.
you choose to jump into the cold water. You are tired of isolating yourself from yourself and others. You long for knowing yourself, your wishes, your dreams. You long for experiencing life and feeling that you are alive and you grab the moment, the glimpse of courage inside of you and change the old path into something new and different. Something you don't know the outcome of, something you could fail in, the big unknown.
Overcoming the fear of failure doesn't have to start with life changing decisions. Nothing has to be black or white. We all can start small, testing and trying and seeing, what happens. With every little reward we experience, the courage grows. We begin to believe again in ourselves, we discover our strenghts, we watch our confidence and self worth becoming more aligned with our inner self. We can breathe and feel comfortable in our own skin, trusting all those things we have to offer to ourselves.
Just close your eyes for a moment and remember a time, when you were really little. A time, when you just started to discover the world. A time, when you didn't have a clue about all those rights and wrongs. A time, when you woke up to a new day and this day was THE day, a time full of adventures and discoveries.
Remember how it felt like, when you were starting to learn how to walk.
You didn't just get up, set one foot in front of the other and did the „right“ thing. It took time, it took many insecurities and failures. But time and time again, you laughed it off, you stood up and tried. You didn't fear walking, you didn't think about doing it wrong, you just did. You played with it, you had fun and little by little, step by step you have learned to get up and set one foot in front of the other. One day you made it from one end of the room to the other, from home to the playground. And it all fell into place. Today you walk effortlessly and you don't even think about how to do it right or if you do it wrong. You just do it the way you do.
That is the natural way of learning, exploring and growing. Accepting mistakes and failures on your way. Being proud of your successes and knowing what to do differently next time.
When you feel your fear of failure is holding you back from making desicions, from speaking your mind, from showing up in the world, the way you are, become aware of that. Assess your feelings.
What exactly is holding you back?
What are you really afraid of?
How are your ideas of „wrong“ are getting in your way?
Are those ideas of „wrong“ your ideas or do they belong to someone else?
Dare to be honest to yourself and vulnerable. Dare to see yourself in the mirror with all those masks peeled off, with all your scars and open wounds. Experience your emotions, allow them to be there for you, raw and real.
Make peace with them.
Listen to the fear. Hear it out. Let it talk to you and give it all your compassion and understanding. Your hurt inner self deserves its voice, it is your voice. It wants to be treated with love and kindness, like a dear friend. Take the time and patience you need.
Embrace your fear, acknowledge it, it has only one purpose in mind:
to keep you safe and happy, to secure your survival. It just might have overdone it in the past and didn't find the way to make you understand. When you open your ears and heart, it has the chance to find better words to let you know, what really makes you happy.
One step after the other.
Allow yourself to find your very own way to do it right, by doing it wrong all over the place and fail again, and get up again.
„It's a new dawn, it's a new day and I'm feeling good.“