We are our own worst enemies. Very simply, we are hardest on ourselves in times when we need the most compassion. At the end of the day, we should be caring for ourselves, otherwise how else will we care for others?
In today’s crazy, fast-paced rat race, we forget to look after ourselves, not only through our bodies, but also through our minds. We are pressured, everyday, to be the best, perform at our peaks and deliver 100%, but do we ever think that being the best all the time is literally impossible?
We, oftentimes, will beat ourselves up about that mistake we made at the office, about forgetting our lunch behind or not making that important sale. Self-loathing and self-bullying is commonplace in todays world and is the one thing that is breaking us all down.
The ironic aspect to all this is that if we allow ourselves those small mistakes, those indiscretions and faux pas’s that we will in fact come out the other side better people. We will be better people who will be able to deal with more and in a calmer and more controlled manner.
We have to, in the end, forgive ourselves. Much like we forgive others when they hurt us, we need to extend that same hand to ourselves. It is quite sad how with the one person who will always be with us to the day we die, who will hold our hand through thick and thin, through good times and bad, that we struggle to forgive that person.
The first step in forgiving ourselves is acknowledging the "error" we made, whether it be an actual mistake in the work place or at home, or perhaps you did not eat correctly that day, indulged too much or didn’t eat at all. Maybe you just think, you "should have" done something differently or better. Whatever you feel your indiscretion was, name it.
Then find an undisturbed place and an empty space on the wall you can look at. You can close your eyes whilst you’re in that moment, if it feels easier for you to access your experiences,
Run your day projected on that wall, as if it was a movie and you are playing the main role. At a certain moment you arrive at that moment, where you thought, you could have done something differently.
Take that moment or episode and edit your movie. Replace that scene with a scenario you would have prefered to experience instead. Believe that you can change this problem into a win and see it playing in your movie. If you find other moments to adjust, to replace, to change, do so. Be careful at all times, that what you change is aligned with your health, with respect to yourself and your environment.
In your inner mind, enter your edited version of the film and experience it with you actually being in it.
See, what you see then, hear what you hear and feel what you feel, BEING in it.
You might even find out, there is nothing to change, it wasn't as bad as you thought, you were actually ok as well.
Taking a distance helps us changing the perspective, because we take the emotional load out of a situation. A more objective view can give you new insights, in how you were treating yourself and others.
Thank yourself for the ability to be able to support yourself to see that and for your new insights. You have learned something about yourself and what has happened was a part of that learning. Show yourself respect and compassion, forgive yourself.
Actually speaking to yourself in the first person is a fundamental step to dealing with yourself, feeling compassion for this person that is you.
When you go through this process of forgiveness and self-love, running your day, internalize how you are feeling and acknowledge that there will be areas you will still feel unhappy with, but know, deep down inside, that you can make them right in the future.
You can do that on a daily basis, even when you may not actually have done anything you feel angry or upset about; tell yourself that you are ok, just the way you are now and all options to become even better will open up for you at the right moment. Allow yourself to see them.