Alone or lonely


This morning I was reading an interesting article about alone-time. It was a plea for spending time with oneself without having anything specific planned. It made me think.

We are living in a quite noisy and often superficial world. We have to function preferably every day at work, for family and friends. We have to have a rich social life, travel to all exotic places. In the best case we juggle all obligations and a busy family life with a smile on our face, full of action and enthusiasm. And then we tell the world on social media, how awesome we feel, how happy and fulfilled we always are. Are we?


Who likes to admit, they like to do nothing special? That just hanging around and binge watching Netflix on the sofa sounds like heaven when coming home from work being tired and exhausted? That doesn't bring a lot of likes on Facebook or could make a motivational meme on Instagram, does it?

Everyone seems to have plans every night besides a fulltime job and side projects.

Have we forgotten to spend time with ourselves? Just being, doing something apparently insignificant or nothing, without the need to talk to someone or checking social media constantly. Instead a lot of us are living in fear of missing out on something new and exciting out there, wanting to be part of the "In-crowd".

Is it really that boring and bad to be alone? Do we have to feel guilty for enjoying our own "waste of time" in a judgmental, overly positive, motivated and over-excited world?

There is nothing to say against pushing yourself from time to time to get up and out. This can be fun and relaxing, if you do it volontary and you really enjoy doing it.

But what if you really enjoy doing nothing, as well? What if quality time for you can mean just being lazy, watching TV or the fly on the wall? This could be fun and relaxing too, if there wouldn't be the little inner voice saying, that is not good enough, all my friends are going out and having their time of their life (check Facebook)... just being with me is not quality, at least I should meditate, doing some mindfulness or yoga, jogg through the parc or climb mountains.

Quality time with yourself is quality time the moment you like, what you are doing and you can relax with and decompress yourself after a challenging day. Mental stress for not wanting to do anything doesn't help. Forcing yourself to go out and taking selfies of your "BesTimEver" at a pub, although the evening was less than mediocre, instead of really celebrating your own free time with "YourBestFriendEver", yourself, will just eat your energy and won't do anything for your positive inner mood and peace.

I plea for just being. Being all you want, when you want it and how you want it. Not feeling guilty, not feeling boring, not living in fear of missing out. Enjoying the movie on Netflix or on TV, having a great time taking a refreshing shower and going to bed early, with or without a book. Having a calming walk all on your own around the block or going alone to the cinema. Create something beautiful or silly or useless or don't.

Whatever it is you want to do or not to do, you can do it with your best friend, yourself, and enjoy your best time ever, free of judgement, free of guilt and fear. Get to know yourself and listen to yourself. Stay in or go out without thinking about what others might think. Self care is: appreciating your time alone without feeling lonely, respecting your needs and wishes, living your life the way you want and not the way that makes your social image look amazing.

#positivethoughts #confidence #stress #relaxation

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